Wandering Misfit: Part 20 ... the zoo class

     We didn't just do in-house classes we also went out to primary schools and kindergartens. These external schools were often places that teachers felt some measure of dread over. For internal classes we had a class size limit of 18 students which is mostly manageable but for external schools we had classes of up to 50 students which make life a lot harder.

     I will never forget my first primary school class in China. We had classes in a primary school inside the nearby university. Aside from a trip of half an hour each way and a long break between some of the classes the classes themselves often ended up being something of a challenge.


     For about 18 months I was in charge of teaching the 3 grade 5 classes at this school. Now before I go on to talk about some of the things that happened in these classes I need to explain just how bad they were. The grade 5 class had amongst the foreign teachers gained the nickname the "zoo class". I know it seems harsh to draw similarities between a class full of kids and a zoo but it is a good example of how bad these kids could really be.

     Aside from the fact that all of the foreign teachers and T.A.s dreaded these 3 classes there is is the fact that even the headmaster of the school knew that these kids bullied not only other students but teachers too.

     Before I took over the class they had been given to one of my predecessors. They had been given to him specifically because it was believed he could "scare them into behaving well". Now no foreign teacher I know ever used any form of physical or verbal abuse but obviously some teachers are stricter and more intimidating than others.

     When I first started I was definitely not a strict or intimidating teacher. In fact I was accused many times in my first few months of being too soft, so this class was going to be a major challenge for me.

     Needless to say I have some pretty bad stories from these classes. At the time they seemed to be some kind of nightmare but now I come to think back on it some of them seem pretty funny.

     Tomorrow I'll share some of the weird stuff that went on at this particular primary school.

     Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger. 

Wandering Misfit: Part 17 ... what's in a name?

     I know that I have been jumping around a bit lately and not really following any sort of order. I gets hard to write in any kind of sequence, every time I tell a little bit of the story I get caught up in memories it brings back and tend to get sidetracked.

     Because of that I am going to just try and stick to a single theme for each post from now on and avoid the issue of when things happened altogether.

     Today I wanted to talk about names. I said before that the T.A.s all had English names tomake it easier on us foreigners. For the same reason every time a new student came into the school they were also given an English name if they hadn't already chosen one.

     A lot of the time parents would choose English style names for their kids. Unfortunately this often ended up creating some pretty cringe worthy names. I remember one poor 6 year old boy I had whose mother decided his name should be Seven. Yep, she called her kid a number, should have seen the look on the poor kids face every time someone asked "What's your name and how old are you?".

     Some other strange names came into the mix. Because almost all characters in Chinese are made up of a consonant followed by one or more vowels names that end in a vowel sound are very popular. At one point I had 2 Cindys, 2 Lilys and a Candy all in the same class.

     Aside from names ending in y or a vowel certain other names are incredibly popular too. For a while I had 7 different students named Angel in only 11 classes (about 100 or so kids). Summer, Sunshine and other similar names are a perennial favourite for girls too.

     Boys tend to have a wider array of "acceptable" names but that doesn't stop names like Tom and Harry dominating. Boys are also not immune from the stranger names that evolve, with names like Tiger, Putin and Severus all amongst my former students.

     Even the T.A.s come up with the occasional weird moniker, you'd think their knowledge of English would help them know better. Names such as Purple ("because it's my favourite colour") and Coco spring to mind for the girls. Meanwhile the male staff seemed determined to be ridiculed by the foreign teachers picking such wonders as Chicken and Panda.

     Overall names and naming were a great past-time and source of amusement for us. That's not to say that some foreign teachers didn't give out some weird names of their own.

   Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger. 

Wandering Misfit: Part 16 ... the good

     Okay so I've been on a little bit of a downer in the last couple of episodes, but honestly there have been some great moments to my time in China.

     Obviously at the top of that list is meeting my beautiful wife, but there are others too. Having days where students thank you sincerely for what you've taught. Getting three years in and suddenly realising that you are just chatting with kids that started off not even knowing colour words. All of these things have been hallelujah moments for me.

     Even the little things can make your day. I had one class of very young kids, who I am sure I will talk much more about soon, where every week the parents would bring food for a mini picnic after class. This class was my last for the week and finished up at 8 or 8:30 on a Monday by which point I was usually pretty much over it all. Having the mothers come in with cakes and ice-cream and settle down for another half hour of just drawing and having fun made my week every single time.

     It wasn't until I left my first teaching job in Dongying after just over 3 years that I realised just how attached I had become to some of these kids. Despite being their teacher and only seeing most of them once a week I really felt like I was leaving friends. Of course some students I definitely didn't miss but there is always going to be a few like that.

     For the most part though by the time I left Dongying I found it really hard to go. All of the staff both foreign and local were great and of my 10 permanent classes I really enjoyed 6 or 7 every week with only one that I always dreaded.

     I think here it is also important to talk about the change China made in me. Before I got out there I was a bit of a procrastinator and I hated being the one that had to make the decisions. I was so bad I couldn't even pick from a menu in a restaurant. After nearly five years of being "the boss" in the classroom I feel like I have emerged from that mindset with a whole new attitude for life.

     Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.

Wandering Misfit: Part 14 ... enter the children

     So Saturday morning rolled around. We taught most of our classes across the weekend because most of our students had to go to normal schools during the week. My very first class at 8 o'clock was a group of 12 3 and 4 year olds.

     At this point I had never really had anything to do with little kids so I really had no idea what I was doing. In they come with their parents. The first few are not too bad they are pretty fidgety but they are pretty young after all. As the next few start to come in though one of the new arrivals starts to cry. Now I don't know about you but even after years of dealing with it I still have trouble with crying children, especially when their parents are sitting in the back of the room watching what I am going to do about it.

     Thankfully instead of the usual complement of a single T.A. I had 3 that morning for exactly that reason. Very quickly though all 3 of my T.A.s were tied up with one issue or another. It is amazing how one crying child very quickly leads to a whole class of them.

     By now I was simply sitting in a tiny little baby chair up the front of the class waiting and wishing I was pretty much anywhere else. I remember thinking "at least it can't get much worse". You know what they say about thinking things like that though. Right in the middle of the crying and running around screaming Summer walked into the class.

     Summer as I said before was a pretty strict and severe kind of person even though she was small she was also pretty tough. I'm not sure what I expected but whatever it was what actually happened wasn't it. Summer took one good look at what was happening, came to the front of the class and stood next to me. The next thing I know she is bellowing orders to the kids to sit down and behave. She started so suddenly and so loudly I have to admit even I jumped a little.

     Amazingly all of the kids but one simply stopped. They stopped running around, they stopped screaming and they stopped crying. Slowly but surely all but the original crying girl came and sat in front of Summer and I. From the look on many of their faces I think they were at that point pretty much as surprised as I was.

     I've never had a class begin as badly as that since and as much as I felt uncomfortable on that first day I am glad it happened because it taught me a lot about how to handle these kids, things I would keep using for the next 5 years. Don't get me wrong though there was no epiphany here just the start of a very long, very steep learning curve.

     Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.

Wandering Misfit: Part 13 ... whole new kids

     So after a couple of weeks of sitting through some of the dullest training I've ever had I was finally deemed ready to be let loose on actual students. I was honestly pretty nervous about this bit because I had never really had much to do with kids and have to say that I had never really liked kids much.

     Unfortunately for me I was given a whole schedule worth of new classes. Later on I would come to see this as a massive advantage, having the opportunity to really make these classes my own, but to start with it was a seriously daunting situation.

     Most of the students I ended up with were under 10 years old and a whole lot of them had never even seen a real live foreigner never mind been in an English class. I even ended up with some students who had never been in school full stop. My youngest was just 2 years old when I started with them.

     Another thing to remember is that none of these children spoke any English at all. It was not like they had a basic knowledge and needed some help. My entire schedule was based on students who knew absolutely no English at all.

     Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.

Wandering Misfit: Part 12 ... careful what you wish for

     So at this point I really want to point out that I never had any intention of going to China to find a girlfriend never mind a wife. I will be honest I know a few people that have gone over there with exactly that aim in mind. A word to the wise though, if that is your plan China probably isn't where you want to go, at least not Northern China. Most of the girls (women) I know in Shandong and the North are for example pretty traditional in their outlook.

     When I say traditional I mean even to the point that having a date with a guy without a chaperon is pretty much one step away from an engagement. I know this mainly because I, usually with my wife, have been forced to be the chaperon for what usually turns out to be a pretty cringe-worthy dinner.

     My "courtship" with my wife was a little less painful than most from what I've seen but I am lucky she has pretty open-minded parents and is herself very open to new ideas and is not tied too strongly to traditions. At some point though I will no doubt write an episode about my wedding which may have been the most bizarre and scariest day of my life.

     So, anyway, if you are going to get involved with a girl from China don't say I didn't warn you.

     What amazed me most about the way Tony asked me was that he was completely blase about the whole thing. Apparently I needed to be married before I was 30 (that being the point of no return) and seeing as I was in China I might as well find a girlfriend. It wasn't until much later that that eventuality came to pass but again that is a story for another time.

     Apologies for digressing we will get back to the story proper next episode.

      Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.

Wandering Misfit: Part 11 ... a strangely prophetic conversation

     So Darcy was pretty cool but the training definitely wasn't. I know that my experience at this point was pretty limited but I really wanted to get into the nitty-gritty. What I faced instead were two full weeks of being talked at and watching other people teach.

     If you have never had to sit through 90 minutes of watching someone else teach five year olds to say colour words in English then yo just can't understand how unbelievably boring it can be. Honestly staring at a wall for an hour and a half is probably a better option. Trying to keep still and quiet makes it even worse because every little move causes a dozen heads to turn and stare at you breaking the flow of the class.

     During these two weeks I went with Tony to various apartments and shopped for bedding and all the other little necessities of life. I really don't remember most of that time, to be honest it is all a kind of blur. One little thing I do remember vividly though, isn't it odd how little bits stick in your mind, is one of the times I went out shopping with Tony.

     Wandering through a loud, crowded shopping area called DongDu, with music blaring so loud from some shops the speakers were crackling, Tony suddenly turns to me and asks me "Rory, are you married?". Not really knowing where this was going I shrugged and said no. "How old are you?" was the next question. 25 I answered, still mystified. "You should think about getting married", he said. Being a little shocked I just kept walking. "You know Chinese girls are good, they are good cooks and are good wives", Tony continued.

     At the time I was pretty pissed with him not only for messing around in my personal life but also for the way he talked about Chinese girls. Turns out though I did end up marrying a Chinese woman, so despite the sexist remark he turned out to be right in the long run...

      Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.

Wander Misfit: Part 10 ... the local team

     After my conference with Summer it was time for a more formal meet and greet. So off Tony and I went to meet the T.A.s (local Chinese teachers) and the teacher who was going to be giving me my training.

     Meeting the T.A.s was an interesting situation to be in, some of them regarded me as just another nuisance while others seemed pretty excited about chatting. At that point all of our T.A.s were women (although they preferred to be called girls) with most of them only a year or two out of university. For the most part their majors were in English although some of them must surely have just scraped in with a pass.

     One thing that immediately hit me about them was that they used English names, either names they had chosen or names given to them by former teachers. The use of English names rather than their actual Chinese names in fact was so prevalent that even after 3 years I knew only a handful of them by their real names. They also tended to use their English names when chatting with each other even when the rest of the sentence was in Chinese.

     After a flurry of questions about where I was from, how old I was and whether I was married or had kids I settled down to trying to work out who was who. Trying to explain that I have dual nationality was an interesting task. All in all though I was pleasantly surprised by how open and friendly the girls were, especially compared to Summer and Tony.

     The next stop was a visit to Darcy. As one of the two senior teachers he would be giving me my ongoing training. I am not even today quite sure how to describe Darcy. Instead I feel it might be best just to tell you my initial impressions and work from there. Darcy was (and still is I presume) a real Australian. What I mean by that is that he had carried both his accent and his love of Aus deep into the heart of China.

     The one big thing that hit me almost instantly about him though was the speed at which he spoke. Later I realised that the slowness was a trait developed by talking to children in their second language for a long time. At the moment I met him though it just seemed to make conversations mildly irritating as I waited for him to finish.

     Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.

Wandering Misfit: Part 9 ... talking terms

     Sitting in Summer's rather cramped little office I was not really sure what to expect. I thought maybe we'd talk pay or that we'd talk work, at this point I had taught but that had been as a flight instructor mainly to rich old men not kids. Instead the conversation started with a warning.

     Don't go to bars, don't drink too much and don't do anything bad in front of the parents or kids. It seemed like she was trying hard to cover a long list of problems that had come up with foreigners, and often by the sound of it. I was a little put off by this. I'd never been a heavy drinker and nowadays I am one step from being teetotal,and some of the things I was being explicitly told not to do were things which honestly had never crossed my mind.

     After assuring Summer on multiple occasions that I would act like a good boy we came to "the contract". You see all foreign teachers in China, and most of the local ones at training schools like Shane, are required to sign a contract. To be honest the system usually works pretty well, but the do tend to hold you over a barrel when it comes to the fine print.

     Looking through the contract a few odd things caught my eye, mainly provisions for what happens if I quit or get fired. Overall though it looked like a reasonable document. I work for a year with them and get ¥7,000RMB a month (roughly £700 or $1,100) in pay on the 15th of every month. A pretty simple bargain. As far as hours go I teach 20 hours a week and do 5 hours of office time to prep for lessons. 20 hours a week sounds cushy after all I'd pulled 50 or 60 hour weeks before. 

     It wasn't until later that I found out just how intense and tiring those 20 hours could be and how badly the were spread out across the week.


     Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.

Wandering Misfit: Part 8 ... meet the Boss

     The "boys" as someone affectionately called them were a strange bunch. A mix of nationalities and ages with people from Ireland, the US, UK, South Africa, Australia and even Zimbabwe. Altogether with me included there were 14 of us.

     Even though Dongying is as I said before a fishing village transformed only in the last decade or two into a city it had at the time the biggest Shane English school in China. The secret was oil. During the 80's oil was discovered nearby and since then the area has become the second largest oil field in China and as such bee catapulted into mega rich status.

     Villagers made rich is a pretty good description of the place actually and like all the locals who have flooded the city in recent years the foreigners too have come seeking riches and a good time. Even though I was going to be working with these guys and I had just had dinner with them Tony forbade me from going out on the town with them. When I asked him why he didn't seem too inclined to answer just telling me I "needed sleep".

     So after a brief round of hellos it was back off to my lonely little hotel room and an early start planned for the morning. The next day was going to be a big one with a talk from the manager, shopping for basic necessities with Tony and a tour of the school and city.

     After what turned out to be a surprisingly good sleep I headed out the next morning to meet my new, and so far rather mysterious, boss. So across the main road we went (a scary challenge for a novice) and into a rather nondescript building on the other side. The building we entered looked old but as I was to find out it wasn't really it seems buildings in Dongying just start to look old the second they are built.

     Up 4 flights of stairs and through a weird metal door into a tiny office space crammed with boxes and paper we went. Here in amongst all of the flashcards, books and cassettes (yes real honest to god cassettes) was Summer my manager. Summer turned out to be a short, petite middle aged woman with as I now recall the strongest grip I have ever felt.

      Rory McDonald is an online marketer and digital entrepreneur, co-founder of the Online Business Expert and passionate blogger.